Fit by Default: An ADHD Story of Accidental Abs

Over the years I've tried many, many times to make physical activity a daily habit. I've tried running, assorted classes and fitness regimes, I've had gym memberships, and I spent a mint on at home fitness equipment. Each new venture started off strong, but a few weeks in and my motivation would taper off and the new routine would begin its descent toward abandonment. Motivation has always been hard for me, and it's not just working out - I struggle to motivate myself most days. I have ADHD and being able to motivate myself to start new activities, or to transition from one task to the next can be exceedingly difficult. There are some days that I lack motivation to complete the most basic activities, like doing errands, making lunch, or getting dressed - sometimes it feels impossible to just get the day started. When I was younger, I didn't know that I had ADHD, I just knew that other people were able to accomplish and achieve more, than I could, and they did it seemingly with ease. I viewed myself as lazy in comparison– I thought that I was broken, incomplete - I had no idea why I lacked the drive, ambition, and energy that others had. Comparison truly is a thief of joy - it eroded mine, and knowing that I didn't stack up to others made me feel isolated, depressed and anxious. Performance anxiety would sometimes derail my thought process to the point that I couldn't focus and I’d be forced to submit sub-par work. Looming due dates would cause my nerves to fray, and I’d become disorganized, immobilized, frozen - unable to do anything at all. I felt ashamed turning over projects knowing that my work was substandard. The shame from these events haunted me, making me overly critical of every move I made. The lack of motivation and inability to perform has caused me a lot of shame over the years. To the point that fear of shame became a motivator for me. I adopted the philosophy that paying special attention to the details of a task creates the best work. As I’m working a mantra goes through my head - Attention to detail makes the difference between good and great – its a mishmash of similar quotes by different people. When I repeat that to myself it reminds me to doublecheck my work and really hone in on the details of what I’m doing. No matter what I'm doing, even if it's only cleaning I'll ask myself – could you do better if you devoted five more minutes to this? If my honest answer is yes, I have to commit to it. Doing my personal best (and avoiding the dreaded shame) motivates me to put in the extra effort.

In 2021, I had a mental health crisis and I needed to make some changes in my life. I started with fifteen minutes of yoga each day. That was the max I could devote to anything at the time, but I committed to doing it each day, even if afterwards I just crawled back in bed. I couldn’t say no to fifteen minutes out of a 24-hour day. (**ADHDetour** - I place a lot of value on time so minutes of the day are like bargaining chips that I can often use to motivate myself, i.e. - The dishes need to be done . It will only take 10 minutes and if I do them now I can check them off my list as done. My brain won’t allow me to say no to that logic so I do the dishes). Each time I did yoga I was rewarded with the gift of feeling more alert and uplifted for the rest of the day. I was getting instant gratification and the dopamine dump, aka the feel good hormones that flood your system when you reach goals or complete a project. After a couple months, I loved the way I felt, so I added a walk to the yoga. I wake up, do 15 minutes of yoga to warm up my body, then I head outside for a 2 – 3-mile brisk walk. This has been my routine, my habit, for nearly four years now and I can’t imagine starting the day any other way. One day, about two years in, I looked down and realized that my abdominal muscles had molded into six even knots and I was like, woah – How did this happen? – I’m in my 40’s, I have two kids, I love pasta and wine…how can my abs look like this?! My goal was simply to feel better each day - I wasn't expecting to see results like this from 15 minutes of yoga and a walk.

This realization changed how I motivate myself. Setting long term goals is a great habit, but for those of us that struggle with self-motivation, we may give up in frustration long before reaching it. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t set our sights toward great achievements, we may just require a more nuanced path to reach them. My previous attempts to build a habit of working out failed for a couple reasons – One reason is that I would just dive into the full workout – going hard from day one just led to burnout. I should have started slower with a shorter, easier activity and then worked my way up. Had I done that my body and mind would have had more time to acclimate and adjust to the new routine. Another misstep was to set a single long-term goal. Knowing that motivation is a hurdle for me, I need to set smaller, more easily achieved goals along the path to the ultimate goal. The small wins along the way provide the dopamine-dumps I need to keep me energized and motivated to continue. This strategy may not work in every situation, but I think it will work for my next long term project - writing a book.

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